Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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