did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
