the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
