Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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