roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
