I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
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You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
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But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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