u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
