just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
