Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
