Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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