Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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