I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
