Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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