My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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