The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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