I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
