so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
