I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
