Welp...herpes.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize