my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
