Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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