you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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