Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
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