found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
