We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
