And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
