exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
