its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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