she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize