he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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