you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
