so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
