I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
