my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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