Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Randomize
