Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
