How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
40s are totally the cure
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
