so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
A bitchslap is in order.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
