I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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