I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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