its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
