how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
