im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Redeem this text for a blowjob
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
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