woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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