I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
