cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
