how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
