I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
