I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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