I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
