from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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