if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
