her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
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I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
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I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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