I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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