I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
