I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
