You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
