Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
