Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
