I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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