meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
