I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
