she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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