he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
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You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
this boner is exhausting
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
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Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Randomize