i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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