In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
