Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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