So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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