If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
