Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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